All too often men say to their sons, “good tackle,” or “good shot.” But how often do fathers teach their sons about good love?

“I’m not here today to tell you how you should act, or what you should be doing, because most of what you know, most of how you think and most of how you behave you learned from me,” said Tony Porter, original visionary and co-founder of a leading national men’s organization called A CALL TO MEN. “What I’ve really come to do is to ask you to begin to rethink a lot of what I have taught you, and how to redefine manhood – what it really means to be a man.”

Porter, an educator and activist who has worked in the social justice arena for over 20 years, visited Appalachian State University on Wednesday to address the members of the university’s athletic community and discuss “well-meaning men,” and how they “inadvertently contribute to normalizing violence against women.” As part of A CALL TO MEN: The National Association of Men and Women Committed to Ending Violence Against Women, Porter currently works with numerous domestic and sexual violence programs, the National Football League, the National Basketball Association, as well as colleges and universities around the country. He aims to encourage well-meaning men to get involved in the organization’s movement to end violence and discrimination against women.

Due to an overwhelming response from the Appalachian community, Porter’s lecture was moved to Rosen Concert Hall on Wednesday evening to seat its vast number of attendants.

He began his speech with a few startling statistics.

“About 15 percent of men perpetrate violence against women,” Porter said. “The Center for Disease Control says that men’s violence against women is the number one health concern for women in the United States of America.

“One out of six women will be raped, and one out of four women on college campuses will be sexually assaulted during their time in school,” he continued.

Porter said while most of the men sitting in the lecture hall may not actively participate in the nation’s violence against women, there are certain responsibilities that many have as athletes of their community.

“There are certain classifications of men that other men look up to, like athletes, law enforcement and military members, or faith community leaders,” he said. “You as athletes are men that men look up to, which means you have a tremendous amount of influence over men. You can expedite and fast-forward everything I’m talking about around this campus a lot faster than I can.”

Other men live vicariously through athletes. This heightens the responsibility of Appalachian’s own athletes, Porter urged.

ASU’s athletes can contribute to A CALL TO MEN’s movement by simply challenging themselves to reconsider many of the social norms that define manhood, or restructuring the ingredients of the “man box.”

“The man box is a collective socialization of men – how we as men collectively define what it means to be a man,” Porter said.

Typical elements that reside in this culturally defined man box include strength, courage, fearlessness and an aversion to tears or any sign of emotion.

What men ought to do is learn to embrace new ingredients like respect, honesty, acceptance and love, Porter said.

“I want you all to envision a world you would want to see for your daughters,” he continued. “How would you want to see men acting and behaving?”

The responsibility lies, not only in the personal actions that Appalachian’s men must take against domestic and sexual violence against women, but also in their ability to re-educate their sons and other young men about its prevention.

In closing, Porter asked if there were any men out there that felt they could do more as male athletes and members of their community, and if so, to please join him on stage.

Within minutes, the audience had cleared and Porter was surrounded by familiar faces of some of the Black and Gold’s finest. 

Rebecca Gummere, associate director of Oasis (Opposing Abuse with Service, Information and Shelter), then stepped on stage to speak on behalf of the men’s motion to step forward and stand up for women all across America.

“I just want to stand and look for a minute at all of you,” she said. “I just want to tell you that I’m really proud of you. I think you’re heroes, and that this is what part of being a strong man is all about. I’m excited to think that you might be part of a movement that could change the world, and that your daughters will have a better life.”

Story: RANDI KITTS, Sports Editor