It’s pitch black and the fan is squeaking.

Shut your eyes! Shut your eyes! Shut your—

Wait, the TV is off.

Did I turn the TV off?

Well the game was on, then “Sportscenter,” then—

Why is the door open?

I know I didn’t leave it open. I guess the wind could have blown it open.

But wait, wind, what wind?

Look at the clock. Look at the clock.

3:03 a.m.

Why did I ever watch “The Exorcism of Emily Rose?”

It’s OK don’t panic.

It was just a movie. It was just a movie. It was just a—

Well, Mexico did just open that church Queretaro that’s strictly dedicated toward exorcisms.

And the Roman Catholic Church did recently announce that there are 10 exorcisms a month in Mexico alone.

But come on, really?

That has to be erroneous, on all counts. It has to be. It has to be—right?

Turn on the lights. Don’t get up. Turn on the lights. Don’t get—

What was that noise?

Definitely don’t get up.

Was it the door? Maybe the pipes?

Maybe it’s one of those demons that terrorize Japanese children on the country’s Oga Peninsula.

They do carry torches and go door-to-door, visiting each home in search of young miscreants and "lazy" new brides.

Wow, that sounds really creepy. But it can’t be true. I mean demons?

Turn over and shut your eyes.

Shut your eyes, and maybe the terrifying clown-faced burglar might not come get you.

Sure, he’s not the average “It,” but he’ll still make you pee your pants.

Still, don’t get up.

Column: NASH DUNN, News Reporter

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